Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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