Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
