Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
