Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I deserve this hangover.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
