Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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