You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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