ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
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After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
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Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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