i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
