Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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