Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Terrible idea I love it
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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