Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
