Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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