I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
