i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
