just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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