i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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