Swine flu. Run for my life!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
