I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
