my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
