I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
