I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
