What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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