Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
third nipple confirmed
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
