I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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