if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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