ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
