she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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