i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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