What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize