i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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