I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
