he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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