If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize