what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
