I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
