I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
