First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
