You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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