Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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