she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
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