I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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