I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize