please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
