how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
