Betty ford says i'm here all night
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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