dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
