Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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