i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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