i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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