Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
