OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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