just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
