Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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