yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
