I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
