We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
