Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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