I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Vodka?
Forever.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
