i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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