im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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