How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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