i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
