the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
