I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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