so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
