Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
