It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
