I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
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How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
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I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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