Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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