Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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