I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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