Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
