Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
