If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
