she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
