She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
