your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
